New Blog...go here...

http://www.blessedandreblessed.blogspot.com/

Just in case you've been waiting for me here, I'm not here anymore...I'm there!  :)

Blog coming down....

Okay...I figured out what I'm going to do.  I have changed my blog address completely.  I have saved this blog as a book, so I could probably email it to you if you ever had a need to have it or would like to share it with someone who may need the encouragment.

So, the new blog will be open to the public, again and I hope you will all keep reading...and commenting.  I love comments!  (That's for all you lurkers!!)

Here is the new blog address...it's still in the works, so bear with me.

http://blessedandreblessed.wordpress.com/

Blessings!  I'm off to rock this to sleep:

I'm still here!!!

Wow...it's been awhile! I've missed you all! So much has happened, but I am pretty sure you don't have 6 weeks to sit here and read my blog!

Life at our house has been full, to say the least. Everything is good...SO good. I have just been swamped with good things! We had our homeschool convention a couple of weeks ago and that ate up any extra time I had. It was a huge success though. This year was our first year to do TWO conventions in a row. The first was in Tulsa and then our annual convention here in OKC. Our trustee board felt God calling us to Tulsa. Doors opened and we prayed for 500 people...that's what we needed to cover our costs. We thought 700 people would be a HUGE answer to prayer. Well, we walked away from that 2 day conference with 1600+ people! Can I get a "Praise God"??? It was fabulous. Then in OKC, we had 3300+ people. We were praying that our numbers wouldn't be affected by the conference in Tulsa and they really weren't! We were only down by 200 people from the previous year. God is so good...in EVERYTHING! Oh...and my convention highlight? I got to meet my bloggy friend, Sara, who is now my "in real life" friend! I just love the way God brings people into our lives! It was SO good talking with Sara. Even though it was the first time we had actually SEEN each other, it was like we had always known each other. How cool is that??

So, I have spent the last two weeks trying to get everything and everyone back into a normal routine. Not sure it's going to happen! :)

So...are you wondering how Emma Claire is doing??? Well, what do you think??

She is such a joy. As you remember, I spent the first five days with her at the hospital. Now, I don't really buy into all of the "bonding at birth" stuff...some of it, yes, but I also believe you can bond outside of a hospital, at different points in life. That being said, Emma heard my voice almost every day for 9+ weeks before birth and then we spent 5 days together at the hospital. If I heard someone tell me what I am getting ready to write, I would probably roll my eyes...on the inside of course because I try not to be rude out loud! Emma came back to us after 7 1/2 months. From the time the worker handed her to me, it's like she knew I was her momma. She attached immediately. I know...it sounds crazy. But I know what attachement looks like. I know what the inability to attach looks like. Emma knew and I believe with all my heart that God protected the relationship and bond that He allowed us to create way back in the beginning. It's the only explanation there is.

Emma is 9 months old now. She started crawling this week, although she still cannot roll over front to back or back to front. Weird. She just started eating baby food and loves it. She gets really irritated when I am giving "X" fruit snacks or any other food that she cannot eat.

Speaking of "X"...we are praying that all works out and we will be able to adopt him by the end of the year. Right now, everything is looking like that will be possible. This will be a private adoption with details that are, well, just too much to share. What I can share is that the way we found out about him and all of the details were clearly from God. If Emma had come home with us when WE thought she should have, we would never have considered "X".

"X" and Emma are 8 months apart...the same age distance as Josiah and Jacob. I think that's pretty cool. They are SO cute together. I am posting some pics of him on here, but only because it's a private blog.

And speaking of that...I don't like being private. So, I think what I am going to do is start a different blog. It will have a different name, look, etc. I am hoping to write about many different topics. I will let you know when it's ready to go. You won't have to sign in or any of that junk, either. I had a life before Jacob died. We had other issues that when shared, I am hoping will be helpful to you and others. Did you know that Josiah is RAD? Did you know that Bryce was a severe asthmatic for four years and then he was healed? Would you like to know about our experiences in foster care and what the needs are in that arena? Did you know that I am an organizational freak?? And that I have done workshops on just this thing? Did you know that I like to cook for 3 months at a time?? Did you know that I'm a MOPS mentor??

I have so many ideas and experiences running around in this brain of mine that are just now ready to come back to the surface. Grief is going to have to take a back seat!!!

Chat with you soon! Enjoy the pics!

Not private just yet...

Okay...I DID go private for a few days, but realized when I was trying to add all of you who wanted to keep following me, that if I didn't have your email address, then I couldn't add you. There are some of you who do not have a blogger profile, and therefore your email is not connected to your comments. I CAN'T FIND YOU!!!

So, although I have SO much to share with you, I am going to wait a little while longer. If you are a lurker and emailed me, or not a lurker and emailed me, would you please leave a comment with your email address? Or you can email it to me at tracyphillips93@gmail.com . I won't stalk you...well, maybe....but probably not.

If you are a friend of mine on facebook, don't worry...I will be linking you to my site. And I promise none of you who want to follow me were the problem! (You guys are so funny!) The troublemakers wouldn't dare ask to follow me!

Alright...hurry up...I'm anxious to post!!! OH! And if you already received a notice that I added you, disregard this...you don't have to do anything else!

Going private....

UGH! I so did NOT want to do this. But, at least for a little while, I must. There is some slandering going on that could cause (and has) major problems for us and while I know who it is, I can't stop it with a public blog. At least until Emma is final, and then hopefully I can come back.

I don't want to shut anybody out...well, other than about 2-4 people, but I feel like God has used this blog to minister to others and I have met SO many great friends through this blog. Sigh.

So, please send me an email at tracyphillips93@gmail.com or comment on this post if you would like to still read my blogs. I hope you will hang on as I have learned so much from you all! Even if you are a lurker...email me and nobody will have to know! LOL!

I'll leave this for a couple of days and then I'll have to disappear! I feel like I need to go into the witness protection program. What's really sad is that some of the people involved were friends. Guess I didn't choose my friends wisely enough!

Hello Friends!! I'm Home!!

Emma Claire made her SECOND appearance (haha) on Thursday, March 18th, at 4:35pm. She is such a good baby. She sleeps all night, eats well, and smiles 95% of the time. She weighs 13 1/2 lbs...she's little. And adorable. And perfect!

Samara came over to me this morning and as she was smiling at Emma, she said, "Mommy, isn't Emma the perfect baby you've always wanted?" I told her that Emma was the exact baby God wanted to give to us. She agreed.

So, as far as adoption specifics, think of this like a private adoption where there is a 6 month waiting period for finalization. That's what we are doing. When DHS places a baby in an adoptive home (that was not their previous foster home) there is a 6 month waiting period. Basically, DHS is giving you a period of adjustment so that there is not an adoption disruption. Not gonna happen in this case, but sometimes problems become apparent in those 6 months when you have older children placed with you. The other difference is that a DHS worker will come to visit Emma once a month. Not a big deal to me. She is here. That's all that matters, right?

God is a good God. Always. In all things. Every time. Just sayin...


"But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:7-8

TWO...MORE...SLEEPS!!

March 15, 2009, God said this to me:

"God is not a man that He should lie. He is not a human, that He should change His mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has He ever promised and not carried it through?" Numbers 23:19

It's March 16, 2010 and in TWO MORE SLEEPS, I will see a promise fulfilled with my very own eyes! And so will you!

I spoke with the worker yesterday and she said Emma will be here sometime Thursday evening. (March 18) This is just three weeks after we went to court, six weeks since we recieved the phone call from Raychel.

When the Phillips get a baby...you know...the DHS way...the very first thing we do is give them a bath! (Actually, that was one of the first things I did with my bios, too! I need them to have our scent I guess!) I cannot wait to get my hands on that baby fro that Emma has on her head! And smother her with pink baby lotion! And rock her while she sucks her thumb!! OH MY GOODNESS!!

I cannot begin to tell you how easy this has been. I have NEVER had DHS go this smoothly. I don't know why I am surprised...God told me to sit back and let Him do this. And can I just tell you how much better it is this way???

I haven't shared this with you until now, but I believe it is just another sign that God has been in this entire story. (Not that there is any doubt...but...) Back in August when we pretty much gave up on Emma coming home with us, ever, I remember a still small voice saying "March". That was all. There wasn't anything else like, "Hey sister, I'm gonna give you your baby back in March, so hang in there." Or "Hey chica, I'm going to take care of your financial worries in March, so just be still." (Patrick got a raise and a bonus in a time when many are losing their jobs or taking pay cuts.) I have remembered that, and have had a peace about it all since August. Now, I'm not saying I never got anxious or frustrated, but in my spirit, I knew we would have answers in March. Isn't God good?

On the morning of court, I was pretty nervous. DHS court has always made me nervous, but this time was different. I had my phone playing my Pandora station and a song by Crystal Lewis came on that I had not heard before. I can't tell you how many times God has spoken to me through music...it's as if He is speaking to me face to face sometimes!

Trust Me

Close your eyes
Take a step
It's okay
I know where we're going

Don't fret
I've been before
through these valleys
down these long and dangerous roads
yet dark as they seem

Trust me
though you can't see
you can trust me
the way may be steep
you can trust me
let me lead....trust me

Open your eyes
but don't let go of my hand
let your tears give way to smiles
see the joy inside the trial

Don't worry, you're safe with me around
rest assured I'm on your side
I won't let you hit the ground
but close as it seems...

It's true that what's in front of you
isn't always clear
but you must believe it in your heart
that I'm here...I'm here.

Next post...Emma Claire...for keeps!