Baking Bread, Ice, and other things

Today is day 3 that we have not left our house. I am not complaining. Even if there were no ice, we would still be here as there have been sickies going around, Mommy is one of them! We did not have PE today, we are sad about that as we love seeing our friends. Okay...MOMMY loves seeing HER friends!! (They are all about my height...except for one...sorry Nheree...and none of them ask me for juice or whine that they are hungry. Who could ask for better friends????)

I will get a repreive this weekend as I attend the OKC Homeschooling Mom's Summit. I cannot wait! I will be speaking also, but for the most part I will be a participant. Since I am in charge of the workshops at the yearly OCHEC Homeschool Convention (http://www.ochec.com/), I don't get to participate in those much. Have I mentioned how much I am looking forward to this weekend??? If you are interested, it isn't too late to sign up! http://www.homeschoolmomssummit.blogspot.com/

So...my kids played outside on the ice for approximately 6.3 minutes. We told them it was cold!!! Actually, Justin played longer and went back out later for more, but my smarter kids stayed in by the fire.

Bread. About 3 years ago, I was invited over to a friends home for a playdate. She has lots of kids like us, and baked her own bread. And when I say "baked her own bread", I mean, grinds the wheat, adds the ingredients, forms the loaves, etc. When I had HER bread with my sandwich, I knew then I never wanted to go back to store bought. So, we invested in all the equipment and while there have been momentary lapses and I have bought store bought bread, we prefer fresh, whole wheat, home made bread. We make 5 loaves at a time and it lasts about a week...depending upon whether or not my mom steals a loaf.

Sunday, I made bread. It was our Sunday to have the family over for lunch. (We rotate houses each week after church.) I was in kind of a hurry, though, because everyone was due back at about 11:30am. (We were home with sickies.) So, I might have rushed the bread a little. I didn't let it rise as long as I normally do, and I probably could have let it cook a little longer. So what did I end up with??? Kind of squishy in the middle bread. Now, nobody complained, as it was still pretty yummy. BUT...I knew...and I just don't enjoy squishy in the middle bread. So, I have 2 loaves sitting on my counter, untouched, because they just aren't as good. I am sure they will get eaten, but just not as eagerly. Maybe I should just toss them out and start over.

I was thinking about this bread in relationship to us and God. In our daily walk, we follow God. We are listening to His voice, His will (bread), obeying his commands (or ingredients, if you will), following Him (recipe). What happens when we try to "speed up" the process??? We get squishy bread. As I have said before, I don't like squishy bread. I want my bread completely finished, inside and out. And thank God that He doesn't just toss us out and start over when we get squishy!

"May the God of peace fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him." Romans 15:13

I don't know what kind of bread God is trying to make out of you, but I pray that you will allow him to use HIS recipe on you and bake you until you are not squishy!

Ashlee....she refuses to wear a coat...something about lack of "coolness" I am sure!

I think this is Bryce...he never stays out long...doesn't like to be too hot or too cold. But he can do an awesome load of laundry!

Noah...we found out his coat zipper is broken. That's what happens in Oklahoma when you only wear your coat 2 times a winter.

Justin is in the middle...our neighbor friends, Wes on the left, and Madeline on the right. Madeline and Justin were in Sunday School together at our previous church...how cool that we built houses next to each other and didn't even know it! I love our neighborhood!

I finally found it!!!

Okay, Okay, you asked for it, so here it is! NO NEWS!!! I will get this out of the way right now so as not to make you wait any longer! I keep hearing "have you heard anything yet?" Well, not from bio mom, but God is talking to me LOTS!

I did find out why bio mom is on the run...can you say FELONY??? Nothing violent, just trying to support her addiction. But for the grace of God...that could be any one of us. The details do explain why she isn't calling, though, so there is a slight comfort there.

Week before last I was terribly anxious. Almost to the point of not functioning, anxious. It's a terrible feeling and I prayed all week that God would take that from me and encourage me. Finally, toward the end of the week, I remembered what I have plastered on my wall:

Okay, God. I am TRYING!!! I decided to go through my Bible and write down (yes, manually, with pencil and paper) all the promises that God has given me regarding this adoption. I started in July. I was going to go through the entire Bible, but realized I didn't have that much time! As soon as I started copying the words down, the anxiety started to lift. "Be still and KNOW that I am God!" That was a week ago. Then I started to pray that God would really speak to my heart through our pastor. I was craving His Word. Well, before we even went to church, I had my music playing and had just downloaded a new group to me, "Go Fish" and it was like they had written their songs just for Tracy's situation. God was feeding me before I even got to church.

Then, at church that night, our pastor spoke on knowing what God's will is for your life. It was powerful! He just confirmed what my dad has told me all along. He said if you believe God has a plan for your life, keep moving forward, proclaiming the gospel. God will direct your steps IF you keep moving! When Paul started his ministry, there was a logical way they probably should have traveled. But, God stopped them and directed them an entirely different way, one that seems crazy to us when looking at the map and the logistics of it all. BUT, God had a different plan. Paul and his guys just had to be open to it. OH...and guess what??? When God turned them a different direction, they did not get discouraged! I wish I could be more like Paul! Anyway, my dad has always said, "If you believe that God is opening a door for you, keep walking toward it until He shuts it." So, we are walking...moving forward...proclaiming God's works!

Back to the title of my post. A year ago December, I had been praying for God to change Patrick's heart. He wanted to adopt Jacob, but after that, he was done. (Remember, at this time, S&J were still going back to their family according to DHS.) I was praying that God would either change Patrick's heart or mine. I wanted God's will, but I wanted us to be in agreement. I shut my mouth and did not speak to Patrick about adoption things. One day as I was praying and reading my Bible, God gave me this:

""The Lord replied, 'Look at the nations and be amazed! Watch and be astounded at what I will do! For I am doing something in your own day, something you wouldn't believe even if someone told you about it!" Habakuk 1:5

I knew at that point that God had a plan and it would be big! So then, on December 18, 2008, I get this verse again, but in regards to our baby/adoption! I LOVE the Bible!

Okay...so I was discouraged last week. God lifted me up, as He always does. Friday, I asked God for discernment. I cannot figure out how all of this is going to work out legally. I don't think "T" is going to stick around long for any kind of court hearings...remember...FELONY...so I asked God to help me out. Help me to discern if this baby is really His will. I am truly okay if it isn't, although I have not felt led in that direction at all.

Yesterday morning, I woke up thinking, "Just forget it...it's all too hard and complicated, I'll just take my toys and go home!" I thought that maybe this was God's discerning voice, telling me to quit. And then it hit me...wait...maybe it's someone ELSE'S voice. "God, please speak to me through your Word and let me know if this is of You or not."

If this was Him giving me discernment, then so be it, but if it was Satan whispering in my ear, I wanted to know. As I think I have said before, my Bible through the year has Old Testament, New Testament, Psalms, and Proverbs each day. Here is what God said to me:

“May the God of your ancestors help you; may the Almighty bless you with the blessings of the heavens above, blessings of the earth beneath, and blessings of the breasts and womb.” Genesis 49:25

“You have so little faith! Why are you worried about having no food? Won’t you ever understand? Don’t you remember the five thousand I fed with five loaves, and the baskets of food that were left over?” Matthew 16:8

“May He grant your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans. May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory, flying banners to honor our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers.” Psalm 20:4-5

“Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you. Mark out a straight path for your feet; then stick to the path and stay safe. Don’t get sidetracked; keep your feet from following evil.” Proverbs 4:25-27

I don’t think I have ever been spoken to so clearly in all 4 places of the Bible! Thank you GOD!!!

I would ask you to continue to pray for us. We need at least a phone call. Would it be terrible to ask that "T" be arrested??? Think about it...she would have food, clothing, shelter, and medical care. And she would be in a place my attorney could get to. Please pray that she doesn't have the baby in a parking lot. I am terrified that this will be her plan. Pray that all the legalites will go smoothly...God promised to "smooth our way". (And remember...he already brought her from Texas to Oklahoma!!!)

Also, please pray for me as Iwill be speaking at the Oklahoma Homeschool Mom's Summit on 1/30-1/31. I am looking forward to it! "Organize THIS!" is my topic. I have less than a week to practice what I will be preaching!!! I just want to be an encouragement to these moms.

I promise to post as SOON as I hear anything...good or bad...and I will leave you with this:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge cloud of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us." Hebrews 12:1

Now I am off to grind some wheat to make home made bread to go with our stew for lunch! (Yes...we skipped church...too many kids hacking and coughing...but we can watch it online!!)

Sprite, Crackers, and Grandy's Mashed Potatoes!

What I am about to tell you is going to be no surprise. The stomach bug sucks the life out of you. Then it tricks you into thinking you are better. So you get up. AHA!! You are NOT better. So you go back down. And then you are up…faking better a little bit…and down again! Thank God for my family. It hit me about 4am on Thursday morning. Patrick took the day off, at some point went and bought all the necessities, (sprite, crackers, popsicles, and Grandy’s mashed potatoes and gravy with rolls on the side) he has been down this road with me several times it seems! This time, he had the kids all wiping everything down outside my room with Lysol! LOL! I was keeping everything wiped down INSIDE my room. (You know…in that “honeymoon period” right after you puke??? You feel great for about 3 ½ minutes??) My kids came to the door about once an hour checking on me…Patrick says he did not tell them to do so…I have great kids! I also have a secret gift. I can catch the stomach bug over the phone. Seriously. As soon as I hear that it is “going around”, I know it’s coming to me! And this time, just for kicks, I actually got THROWN UP ON! How do you get out of it at that point??? (Poor baby Cherish…she is much better now!)

So, all of that to say, that I have missed my Bible study. Sorry…yes…rumors are true…I am human. I do not delve into my Bible while I have the stomach bug. If you do, do not respond to this blog…I hate you. BUT…I must be feeling better, because my desire to pick up where I left off is coming back. I had also been praying that God PLEASE not let our baby be born while I am puking…my hair looked SO bad! (I only have one “just had a baby” picture out of FOUR that is decent! He is also the only baby I had that I had a flat stomach almost immediately after birth…even the nurses were in shock…he is my favorite.)

I have now started thinking that I can take care of a baby again, so that is good, also! Hair is back to normal. I even have make up on today. Yes…it makes a difference! BUT…with all the “normal” stuff coming back, so are the “normal” not so good things. The doubts…the what ifs…the anxiety. While sick, I really didn’t think a whole lot about God’s promises. Or the baby. But now, here I go asking for reassurance again because I have this silly human mind that thinks it needs constant encouragement and hand holding until our baby arrives. So, anyway…I decide to skip the days I was sick (in my yearly Bible) and start today, 1/10/09. As I am flipping the pages from 1/7/09…the last day I read…my eye is drawn to a few verses I had underlined last year on these days…allow me to share them with you.

“So I tell you, don’t worry about everyday life – whether you have enough food, drink, and clothes. Doesn’t life consist of more than food and clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t need to plant of harvest or put food in barns because your heavenly Father feeds them. And you are far more valuable to Him than they are. “ Matthew 6:25-26

“Keep on asking, and you will be given what you ask for. Keep on looking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened.” Matthew 7:7

“Then the Lord did exactly what He had promised. Sarah became pregnant, and she gave a son to Abraham in his old age!” Genesis 21:1-2

And then I read on about Abraham willing to sacrifice his son…with faith that God would provide the lamb! There was a time…well…according to the markings in my Bible, it was a year ago…that God told me I was to share what He was doing in our lives.

“I will thank you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. I will be filled with joy because of you. I will sing praises to your name, O Most High.” Psalm 9:1

“The Lord is a shelter for the oppressed, a refuge in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O Lord, have never abandoned anyone who searches for you….For he who avenges murder cares for the helpless. He does not ignore those who cry to him for help.” Psalm 9: 9-10, 12

And I haven’t even made it to today’s passage yet!

Many of you have asked how you can pray for us. Here are a few specifics until further notice!

1-DHS will move Samara and Josiah’s adoption along. The county’s are not cooperating…one tells us we should be finished…one won’t answer my phone calls. Please pray that this will move on smoothly. We are concerned that it might be held up due to our allegation report…we found out the DHS is recommending grief counseling for our family. To be quite honest and without getting really ugly about it, well, it just ain’t happening! When those people making the recommendations lose a child, and then want to meet and get to know me, then maybe I will take note of their recommendation. That is all I will say about that…

2- “January” baby will be protected in the womb from the drugs and lifestyle her bio mom is living. I am praying that God has been/will cover that baby with His hands in the womb and if there are issues when she is born, the doctors will have the wisdom and knowledge to care for her.

3- Birth mom…praying for her safety and health as well. I am also praying that God will put someone in her path to share His love with her. Don’t get me wrong…I would love for it to be us, but that isn’t happening right now. From what I have heard, she is in her early 20’s, been on drugs since she was 10, with the mentality of a 13 year old. Sounds very much like S&J’s birth mom.

4-That God will continue to hold us and put wonderful, praying people in our paths as we learn to live this life without Jacob.

That is all I can think of at this point.

So very personal...

I want to tell you how personal my God is. I have only begun to realize this in the past few years. I have always had a "personal relationship" with God...well...from the time I accepted Him as my Savior...but I don't think I knew exactly what that meant.

I really started listening for His voice when we were considering foster care. Although at that time I didn't know how corrupt DHS was, I did know that there would be many issues to come...I knew I didn't want to go along that path on my own. God became very personal to me. I remember the Friday evening we got Josiah. We had 6 kids (DHS's magic number) including our bios, Jacob, and Samara had come just 2 weeks earlier. Having Josiah would put us "over the limit" number wise. DHS dropped Josiah off at our house, telling me not to unpack him. They said the only reason they even brought him to our house is because the judge court ordered it and they did not want to be in contempt. They said that they would be moving both Samara and Josiah on Monday, after court.

I was exhausted. I had worked so hard to get Josiah here with Samara. She asked for him every day. His family wanted him here. I was done. So that Friday night, I decided to let them go. I was tired of fighting DHS. As I was reading in my Bible, this is the verse I got:

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked." Psalm 82:3-4

I went to court, fought, and here we are, 2 years later, ready to adopt. There was another instance with Jacob that we were told some of the family was going to come to court and fight for him. (Actually...it wasn't family, but the adoptive mom of some of his bios...we had already had Jacob for over a year at this point.) I went to my Bible and while I cannot find the verse at this moment, God basically told me not to fight, but to sit back and allow Him to fight for me. And that is exactly what happened.

God was very personal and specific in those situations, and these are just two examples of how God led us through the foster/adopt journey. My Bible is SO marked up with promises, directions, and encouragement!

So, fast forward to yesterday. Here is part of what a friend whom I only know through this blog sent to me last night:

"your story just amazes me I can see the Love you have for children through your words and WoW How God Honors that in his word. I really feel the Holy Spirit has spoken to me and you will have your new baby soon. To some people that may sound crazy, being that I only know you by reading your blog but I feel strongly about this and cannot wait t o hear the news I check daily, I continue to pray for you and your family and the birth mother of your future child."

Now...you might read that and think, "wow...that was nice of her". But because of something I had done a few days earlier, this was HUGE!

I couldn't even tell you what day it was, but it was within the past week. As I was talking to God, just throwing things out there, I said, "please either close the door on this adoption, NOW, or encourage me along the way...let me know this is Your plan and we are following Your will. As a matter of fact, God, why don't you tell one of my friends that "January" baby is ours. How cool would that be??? Tell someone else that this is going to happen to us."

Now...I dare you to tell me that God isn't a personal God! I double DOG dare you!!! Seriously, I NEVER imagined that God would answer that silly little prayer! I mean, I just threw it out there for fun! And, it's not like He hasn't confirmed this in so many other ways...every time I ask!

So...do you think it would be too much for me to ask God to mark the date in my yearly Bible that this baby is coming???? LOL!!! God is laughing at me a little today!

God is speaking...

The Phillips had a very nice Christmas. To say it was hard with Jacob would be an understatement, but I choose joy. I had joy. I have joy. I watched my children as they passed out the gifts they had bought for each other...they did enjoy receiving, but each of them was more anxious to give. Hallelujah, God can speak to and teach them in spite of me.

I am relieved to be finished with Christmas. Next year will be better and I plan on being an active participant! Everything is cleaned up...not a trace of Christmas left at this house! (Well, don't look out in the garage...Patrick still has to put the trees up in the attic!) Ahhhhh...I love to decorate for Christmas, but I also love to have all the extras out of my house!

(Side note...so thankful that this blog auto saves as I just recovered from what my computer guru hubby calls the "blue screen of death"!)

We have some news regarding our possible....wait....probable....wait....unless God changes His mind adoption! "T" tried to call me yesterday! UGH! Again...I had been up half the night praying for her and the baby. I did not know that she had been given our number...that is a good thing...it means she is calling her family in Texas and checking in. I am praying that she call again, and I know in God's timing she will. She is still here in Oklahoma. One problem is money...she doesn't have any, so calling is a problem. I realized yesterday morning that we have a toll free number! (For our adoption website thingy!) "A"...our contact...is going to get this info to her family. That way she will not have to worry about money for a pay phone. I just cannot imagine the hold drugs have on people that they would choose to live this way.

So...that was God's encouragement for me yesterday. Today, as I was reading my Bible, this is what He said:

"Ask the Lord for rain in the spring, and he will give it. It is the Lord who makes storm clouds that drop showers of rain so that every field becomes a lush pasture." Zechariah 10:1

I am asking for rain and believing He will give it.

"He is the one who keeps every promise forever, who gives justice to the oppressed and food to the hungry." Psalm 146:6-7

"The Lord protects and preserves the strangers and temporary residents, He upholds the fatherless and the widow and sets them upright, but the way of the wicked He makes crooked (turns upside down and brings to ruin)." Psalm 146:9

Because of the way I had been praying, I took this verse very personally and literally. "T" is the temporary resident (of Oklahoma), our baby is the fatherless, and "T" drugs/whatever she is running from is the wicked. God is SO in control of this!

Please continue to pray for "T"s safety and protection and also for the health of our baby. Patrick is off work this next week...would be the "perfect" time to bring a new baby home! (As a reminder, baby is due in 4 weeks!)

Well, I was going to add some of our Christmas pics, but they have somehow disappeared from my camera! UGH! Patrick is trying to do his "techy" magic for me...praying it works...I will be sick if they are all gone! Okay...it will be fine...breathe.

They were really cute...just so you know!

Be still and know that I am God...

Well, quite a lot has happened since I posted. I will start where I left off. Two days after bio dad relinquished, we had a meeting with DHS. It took all of 5 minutes and I think it was just a "cover our butts" meeting. (DHS is supposed to have these meetings once every 6 months...this is the first I have EVER been to with ANY of my foster babies.) Anyway, long story short, we should finalize the adoption in JANUARY!!! Seriously! The two workers said we could be done by Christmas, and I kindly asked them if they were smokin crack! BUT...January will work for me! I have already talked to our lawyer and she is working on it!

We were also given the "green light" to change their names. For awhile, we were not going to because of their emotional state...that has all changed now. In January, 2009, we will be adopting Samara Grace and Josiah Nathan. "Samara" means "God has protected" and "Josiah" means "God has healed". Perfect, don't you think?? They are adjusting well to the new names, although there was a little confusion when Josiah thought we were calling him "Messiah"! Not even close, dude! We need the new names...too many bad memories with the old names.

Then, a few days after that, Samara had her speech/developmental testing. Her speech is delayed, but the speech pathologist is not concerned as Samara just received her tubes last March and had definate hearing loss before that. She is catching up nicely. Now...onto the developmental testing. We really believed that there were things in the child's brain that were not connecting...you know...loose wires so to speak. It always got worse after some sort of trauma (bio visits) but there was just something we couldn't put our finger on. She could write her name if I told her the letters, but couldn't tell you the names of the letters. She would know something one day and not the next. She has been 4 since March and still has to "count" it on her fingers....can't just say "I'm four"! And we have WORKED on this for a LONG time.

So...she comes out of the room with the pathologist. She proceeds to tell me that Samara tests at a SIX YEAR OLD level! ARE YOU SERIOUS???? My jaw dropped and I practically told her she was out of her mind. Her response to my "issues"??? Samara has been playing us. Her daddy said, "Yep...she's SO smart she had you and her therapist fooled!" So, on the way out, I told Samara how good she did and how smart she was. She said, "No, I'm not." I said, "Oh yes you are...that lady said so!" From that point on, all I have had to say to her is, "Remember that lady?" Samara sighs really big and proceeds to do whatever it is she is trying not to be able to do! BUSTED SISTER!!!! I am relieved, at least I know that my expectations are NOT beyond her! It is amazing how far she has come in just a couple of weeks!

We are still on track to adopt "January" baby. Thursday night, I did not sleep well. I felt impressed to pray for "T", the bio mom of our baby. I prayed for her protection and that God would place someone in her path that could help her. I prayed all night for "T". At this point, we had not heard from her. She called Friday morning wanting to make sure we were still planning on adopting her baby. Thank you, God. BUT...while she has called several times, she has not been able to talk. We are afraid she is on the run. Please pray for her safety and that of the baby. She is in Oklahoma, we do know that. This will make it MUCH easier on us. (Remember...God said He would "smooth our way"!) "T" knows she needs to sign some paperwork and we have the resources to keep her safe and in hiding (thanks to my fabulous friend) so we are just praying for God's provision.

Christmas is about 28 hours away. The past couple of weeks have been up and down emotionally for me. Just the thought of a holiday without Jacob is almost more than I can bear sometimes. I am having trouble with some of the normal things...pictures, especially. Christmas pics this year will be sparce and that will have to be okay. Christmas gifts are a blur...I have no creativity or thoughtfulness this year. This part of grief ticks me off the most. I am used to being this certain kind of person, and I just cannot be that person right now. I see people doing kind things for others and that used to be me. I just can't. I know that one day that will come back, but right now, I feel so selfish. I was discussing this with our therapist (who happens to be a very dear friend) and she told me to look on my wall.

I put this verse on my wall the week after we moved into our new house in April. I have preached it to my friends, believed it myself, and here was my therapist throwing it up in my face. I kindly told her to shut up! She explained to me that this is my time to "be still". God does not expect me to be the same person I was before Jacob died...quite the contrary. He is molding me and teaching me to trust Him and only Him. He is making me into a new and (hopefully) improved version of "Tracy". I am hoping He will build on my good qualities and get rid of some of the yucky ones! I know that God has a purpose for my life. I have no doubt that He will use our story for His glory...He was using our story BEFORE Jacob died. All I do know is that whatever His plan is, I am willing. I do not want to step out in front of God, but I am ready to walk right beside Him.

As my therapist (and friend...don't forget this!) and I were discussing my feelings of selfishness and such, I was reminded of what a liar Satan is. It just hit me that the father of lies was really doing a number on me. Every other person in my life has basically "given me a HUGE break". As I would do for them in the same situation...everyone except Satan. I have never been more aware of his delight in hitting you when you are down. And it isn't anything that anyone else would notice...I haven't committed any crimes or been ugly to my kids, but here is what he has been doing. In my ear, I hear things like "You are such a failure as a mom...are you even teaching those kids about God right now?? Nope, you are neglecting their spiritual growth because you are consumed with your own grief." "Seriously?? Those are going to be the dumbest homeschooled kids ever...Ashlee will be in 9th grade next year...how many languages can she speak??" "Couldn't you even read one of the 14 Christmas books you have to your kids this year?? It is the birth of Christ...how many nursing homes have you caroled at??"

And then there is the doubt...did God REALLY promise me this baby??? Could He really have given me 1247 confirmations and meant it?? I know I told him that I had to sell that house if this were our baby and He did it...but really???

So, I caught him at his lies...that got better...so then guess what he does??? He starts putting these pictures of Jacob in my head at the most inopportune times! I refuse to be in the pit...and in the midst of it all, God spoke to me through my "Power of a Praying Parent" book.

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Jesus Christ." Philippians 4:6-7

(I got this verse about 5 different times in about 2 days!)

"For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:4-5

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor." Isaiah 61:1-3

I have also been singing the old "Imperials" song, "Praise the Lord"...

When you're up against a struggle
That shatters all your dreams
And your hope has been cruelly crushed
By Satan's manifesting scheme
And you feel the urge within you
To submit to earthly fears
Don't let the faith you're standing in, seem to disappear
(Chorus)
Praise the Lord
He can work with those who praise Him ,
Praise the Lord
For our God inhabits praise,
Praise the Lord
For the chains that seem to bind you
Serve only to remind you that they drop powerless behind you
When you praise him
Now satan is a liar
And he wants to make us think
That we are paupers
When he knows himself
We're children of the King
So lift up the might shield of faith
For the battle has been won
We know that Jesus Christ has risen
So the work's already done

Been singing this one a lot...and how amazing is it that our Father God comforts us with songs from the 80's??? :) Who would have thought!

Today we spent a lot of time baking. We made little goodie boxes for all of our neighbors. (We live in a small addition...only 11 houses so far!) My kids delivered the boxes while I watched from our warm home! (Daddy drove them.) I can see almost every other house from one of our windows, so I watched them as they blessed others. They were so excited to be able to do this. I wasn't sure if I could pull it off this year, but God gave me the strength today. I want our neighbors to see us as more than the family that lost their child. I want them to see us as the family that God has provided for and healed by His mercy and grace. Anyway, I had hot chocolate ready for them when they got home...they were so funny. I have great kids.

I know this post hasn't been very "smooth" in it's readability, but I wanted to update you the best I could before Christmas. I look forward to 2009 with all God has planned for us. I am ready and willing. Are you?

Unless the Lord builds a house,

"Unless the Lord builds a house, the work of the builders is useless. Unless the Lord protects a city, guarding it with sentries will do no good. It is useless for you to work so hard from early morning until late at night, anxiously working for food to eat; for God gives rest to his loved ones. Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like sharp arrows in a warrior's hand. How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates." (Psalm 127:1-5)

This was my Psalm of the day. Perfect, don't you think??? I have struggled and worried for more than TWO years about Stevee and Jessy (notice I used their real names??). Today, their bio dad relinquished his rights, telling the judge that his attorney told him many good things about the family that wants to adopt them. (Us!) It is done. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

God is adding to our quiver. He is building the house. He is protecting our city. He is giving us rest. And, he is giving us a gift of children.

Thank you for all the prayers! Now we pray the adoption proceeds QUICKLY!! All it will take is a little effort on the part of DHS...all the paperwork has been prepared.