Swirls in the darkness...

I have new hope today. Nothing has changed in our status. We are still the parents of 4 bio children, 2 almost adopted children, and 1 adopted baby who sits at the feet of Jesus. (Or is it "whom" sits at the feet of Jesus...my LIGHT friends will get that!) We still don't have our mortgage, still don't have our adoption final (although I was told it HAD BEEN SENT to the state...I will be checking up on that tomorrow) and still have not heard a word from "T" regarding our "March" baby.

Do you know what else hasn't changed??? God's promises to me.

August 2005 "May He give you the desires of your heart and make all your plans succeed." Ps 20:4
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Ps 27:13
My promise of more children: "He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord." Ps 113:9 (July 2005)
November 2005 "God sets the lonely in families..." Ps 68:6
"He blessed them and their numbers increased greatly." Ps 107:38
"I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him." Ps 62:5
October 2008 "Her children will be nursed at her breasts, carried in her arms, and treated with love..." Is 66:12
"I am the Lord, the God of all the peoples of the world. Is anything too hard for me?" Jer. 32:27
"Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we say we have, for God can be trusted to keep His promise." Heb 10:23
"So be truly glad! There is wonderful joy ahead, even though it is necessary for you to endure many trials for a while." 1 Peter 1:6

And SO many more...I just shared a few that popped out as I flipped through my Bible. Today, I received this verse:
"Then the Lord said to Moses, 'Is there any limit to my power? Now you will see whether or not my word comes true!" Num 11:23

He is the same today as He was yesterday and as He will be tomorrow. He has a glorious plan for our baby. Please continue to pray for "T" as she gets close to having this baby. (We still are not sure when she is due...possibly even into April.)

Something strange happened to me this past week. Well, for the past few weeks, I have really been in a funk. I chalked it up to the fact that we were hitting the 6 month mark since losing Jacob, but now I think it was something altogether different. I really was ready to pack up all the baby stuff and just forget it. I thought I was hearing from God, but I just wasn't getting excited like I had been in the past. I couldn't figure it out, but I couldn't shake it, either. It just wasn't like me.

Last Sunday, I saw a terrible accident on my way home. It involved a bicycler and a vehicle and while I do not know the outcome, it left an image in my mind that I had rather not seen. I am not a dreamer...my dreams when I do have them are ridiculous. But that night, I dreamt that Samara was hit by a car. I turned to whomever was standing next to me (I know it was a close friend, but don't know who) and said, "I cannot do this again." Then Samara popped up and said, "I'm okay!" And I woke up.

When I awoke, I sensed a darkness around me. I could actually see a dark cloud looking presence. I immediately started praying all of the "in the name of Jesus Christ" prayers I knew, and started to get REALLY irritated when I figured out this was Satan...again! I was pretty persistant with my prayers and started to see white swirls within the darkness. As I kept praying, the cloud slowly disappeared. And then I felt God's peace and presence. I was under attack. I had been for the past few weeks. As soon as the battle had been won, my entire demeanor has been different.

The only other time I have experienced this was just after Jacob died. I was having thoughts that were not the truth about Jacob's death. I couldn't even tell you what they were, but I remember I started praying right away and could literally FEEL God fighting for me. I could feel the struggle and then all of a sudden, I felt a peace flow down my body that could only be of the Lord.

We are in a battle. A daily battle that we cannot even see most days. I praise God for all of my prayer warriors praying for me on a daily basis.

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I would like for you all to keep us in prayer for another situation that has presented itself. There is a teenage mother we know about who is leaning toward placing her baby boy for adoption. She is due soon, but we don't know many other details. I am praying for God's will for her and her baby. I will keep you posted on that.

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To close, I would like to share something my dear sister in Christ sent to me last week. She recently almost died during an emergency surgery...I believe God allowed her that experience in order to share this with me:

"Anyway you may be asking why do I tell you this and the only thing God has said to me is that Tracy needs to know that even though you think Jacob suffered before dying he was okay because it was in an instant, and he had peace, there is no worries, Jacob didn't think aobut anything only about Jesus, Jesus was there to greet His child. He did not suffer long and you can take joy in the fact that God was there with him through the whole thing. God was with me the entire time and I know He was with Jacob too, I could feel God's presence and it gave me peace and Jacob could feel God's presence and felt His peace."

Praise God for the people He surrounds me with. Tracy