Grand Canyon - 2009

Seven days.....

Three vehicles.....

Six adults.....

Eight kids.....

Thirty pounds of snacks....

Four Rubbermaids for the Phillips.....

Six different hotels.....

2240 miles.....

Only ONE trip to the ER.....(bil had a stomach bug)

TONS of fun!!!!!!

Because nobody likes to sit and watch vacation slide shows, I will just share a few of the highlights of our adventure!

Because we took the "scenic" route for a lack of better words, our first day of travel was...ummm...interesting.

Our first restroom/snack break was at Lowe's. We all squawked a bit at using their facilities, but decided it would stretch our legs and it would be fine. (Not sure what the Lowe's people thought about a group of 16 people all wearing blue shirts piling into their store!)

Bathrooms the rest of the day were scarce which presented quite a problem for those people in our group with tiny bladders. (You know who you are...Noah.) Around lunch time...actually it was PAST lunch time...there were certain individuals within the 3 vehicles who needed to relieve themselves. We were in the backwoods of Texas and evidently there is some law against restrooms open on a Sunday. We pulled into this little town, thinking it would be the last one for at least an hour. Everything is closed. The MALE people in the trucks proceed to the back of the gas station to relieve themselves. Not sure how that works because I didn't follow them. I was busy cussing them from my TRUCK because there were no open bathrooms!!!!

We went another 30 minutes or so and came upon another gas station that doubled as our choice of restaurant for lunch. They had one toilet and a bunch of BBQ! Those BBQ sandwiches, my friends, was our most expensive meal the entire trip!! No lie!

Did I mention they only had one toilet??? And that it was the only open toilet for 100 miles in either direction??? And that you could not flush the toilet paper? It had to go in the trashcan??? EEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

The rest of the trip did get better and it was then we realized that going to Lowe's for a potty break was a rather ingenious idea!!

This was also the day that my baby learned to pee in a cup. I was so proud. For some reason, Josiah missed one of our potty breaks...maybe he was asleep or something, but it had not been long so I didn't think it would be a big deal. WRONG!!! As he is holding himself in the carseat, wailing from the back "I hafta go POOOOOTTTTTYYYYYY!", I realized I had no other choice. I climbed back to the back of the truck, unbuckled him, unzipped him, and held a styrofoam cup for him to relieve himself. I'm the mom! He had no problem whatsoever peeing in that cup. I was actually surprised because this is a kid who has never peed standing up! I did start to get nervous when the kid kept peeing and the cup was filling up! I had Noah start looking for another cup just in case! SHEESH! We also hit a bump that could have been disasterous, but again, mom saved the day. I put a lid on the cup, stuck it in his cup holder and told him not to touch it until we stopped!

PawPaw George and Grandma with the grandkids before going into Carlsbad Caverns. The kids had all just bought new sunglasses for the trip at one of our MANY stops at Walmart. Seriously???

The amazing thing about this cave that we walked through for about 2 hours was that it was all different. You would look up and the cave was totally different than what was in front of you. The way God designed this cave is awesome.

This is Noah and my neice, Paige. They look harmless, but these two by themselves are the most talkative kids you have met. Then put them together???? Whose idea was that??? I think it came from the other truck!

This is the train that we rode to the Grand Canyon. It was a 2 1/2 hour ride there and the same on the way back. There is some entertainment as well. On the way back, the guy who "entertained" us was hilarious. He is a homeschool dad and teaches music classes at the elementary school 3 days a week. So he was VERY good with the kids. He had us come up and do the hand jive, which fortunately I do not have the video of. SORRY!! He also had my dad come up and do some jive dance...THAT alone was worth the drive!!

On the way back, we were also robbed at gunpoint by train robbers. The kids all had their dollar bills up in the air for the "robbers". I had explained the best I could to Josiah (3 1/2 years old) that this was just play like, it was fun, blah, blah. So the first robber comes in and takes all the kids money...except for Josiah. He leaves and the second robber comes in. Josiah holds his little hand with the money up and with the most solemn expression, looked right at the robber and said, "Please don't shoot me." And he handed his dollar over. It was HILARIOUS!!! He told me later that "playlike is VERY scary". Gotta love 3 year old boys!

And then we get to the Grand Canyon. I think what impressed me the most (this was my first time there) was how ugly everything was on the entire trip. The landscape was dry, brown, and just boring. There wasn't much green, and even the pretty pink flowers at the top of the ugly cactus had these huge pointy things on them that made them totally unapproachable.

Then you look over into the most beautiful expanse of color you have ever seen. And no matter what the bus driver told us, God breathed this beauty into creation. It was not a meteor, nor was it 6 million years ago that something scientists cannot agree on formed this canyon. As Justin, my 11 year old said on the bus, "God said I want it this big, this deep, this wide, and THAT is how you get the Grand Canyon!"

Oh...and for our next road trip...our map will include ALL the Lowe's as rest areas!!!!

COMING SOON....

An update to this sad, neglected blog...I promise!! Stop emailing!! LOL!!!

Greater things are still to be done here....

"You're God of this city, you're the King of these people, you're the Lord of this nation, you are...You're the Light in this darkness, you're the Hope to the hopeless, you're the Peace to the restless, you are...For there is none like our God, there is none like You, God! Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city! Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."

I haven't been able to get the lyrics of this song out of my head for the past few weeks. I try, but I just can't. Yesterday hit us with what I felt at the time was bad news. This sweet, tiny, foster baby is going to be moved to live with her brothers...forever. She will be adopted by the foster mom who has had her brothers since they came into care. How can that be bad news? I have met the other foster mom...she is very capable and loves the brothers. How can this be bad news? Because I am selfish and human.

I want this to be our Emma Claire and do you want to know the REAL reason why?? Because I am tired of the journey. Again, selfish and human. I want some peace and security, closure if you will. I want the proceeds of the promise I was given. No more maybes. No more ifs. No more waiting.

"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."

How can this be bad news? How can I be sad? God did NOT break His promise of Emma Claire to us. As a matter of fact, He is working out His promise in my life. My dream since I was in high school was to foster and heal drug babies. BABIES! God has performed a miracle and I had forgotten about it. Remember??? God opened a bed in our home to foster and heal drug babies. God did this. God has given me the desire of my heart.

When Jacob died, I was not ready to stop helping babies. I felt hopeless at times because DHS had refused to open a bed in our home. Well, we all know how that turned out! God is STILL giving me the desire of my heart, but I became too selfish and too human to recognize it. So, because I am a planner, here is the plan. We are going to take whatever baby God sends to us, for however long, and love them as our own. We will accept whatever plan God has for these babies, and for us. We will help heal them and in the process they will help heal us. That is the plan.

Now...do I believe that this baby could be our Emma? Sure...if that is what God wants. If not, she is still the cutest chocolate baby girl I have ever seen! If this is NOT our baby Emma, then what it really means is that God is not finished with our family and foster care. (Remember, Emma means "complete" and Claire means "with clarity"...when we get our Emma Claire, our family will be complete with clarity.)

I would also like to share a little insight on how I function. I am really pretty easy to please. When Patrick and I had been married for 6 months, we started looking for our first home. I don't even remember how many houses we looked at, but each one was the "perfect" starter home for us. I was SO anxious to have our own home, I was ready to move in each house we looked at, right then. We would call my dad to come and look at it and he would explain to us why this wasn't "the" house and encourage us to keep looking. UGH! After waiting not so patiently, we found our house. Because we waited, we ended up with a house we never would have dreamed of! It was much larger than we were looking for and in a much nicer neighborhood. The specifics of the home were such that not just anyone could buy this house. I don't remember the details, but you could not have made more than a certain amount of money, had to be a first time buyer, but you had to have enough money to fix the thing up! We qualified all the way around! If I had my way, we would have bought a tiny little house that had many problems, in a not so nice neighborhood. Because we chose to take the advice of others, (God and our parents) we ended up with a house we never could have dreamed of!

This is how I feel about the babies that come through our home. I could keep each one of them forever and be completely happy. BUT...I know that God has already chosen the one we get to keep. And THAT is the baby I want...not the one I choose (because I would be keeping the one who is breathing sweetly right next to me)! And when she gets here, we will have a baby girl we never could have dreamed of! In the meantime...

"Greater things are still to be done here..."

_______________________________________________________________

Nine months ago today, we finalized the adoption of Jacob Levi Phillips. Today, we finalized the adoption of Samara Grace and Josiah Nathan Phillips. It was a terribly hard day and I am so glad it is over. I feel relief that they are finally ours and I don't have to ask permission for ANYTHING again!! But...and sorry if I sound like a broken record...Jacob was missing today. He should have been there. We made it through. And I do feel much better this evening. I appreciate all of you who have been praying for us and for our day, today. Now I will share some pictures of the event...enjoy!

Josiah...he doesn't seem thrilled with the whole thing. I guess nobody asked him if he wanted to be adopted! Good thing 3 year olds don't run the world!

Samara was confused all day long. She just didn't understand why she needed to be "adoctored".

Josiah looked at the judge, then turned around and said, "I'm ready to get out of here." We had only been there about five minutes! The judge made the comment "Wow, whatever goes through his head comes right out of his mouth." Ummm...YEP!

Here, the judge is showing Josiah a pen set or something, to which Josiah said, "Okay, I am going to cover my ears." Not sure what he thought the pens were going to do.

And here we are with the judge after finalization...Phillips Forever!

"For He remembered His sacred promise..."

The verse of the day on the sidebar of my blog today was this:

“Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)

That was much easier for me this morning than it turned out to be this afternoon. I got the phone call that told us the baby we thought was Emma will be moved to another foster home...the home that has her brothers. They want to have her moved by the end of May, but said we could take her on our trip with us.

Part of me wants them to come and get her right now, and let us get on with our lives, but the other part of me wants to sit back and enjoy as much of her as we can, and let God work. To say we are heartbroken would be an understatement. But as I said when I first told you about this baby, is that we were not given any guarantees that we would get to keep this baby. It just felt so right...all the pieces fell into place easily, God's hand was all over the placement, she was/is a perfect fit.

"His ways are not our ways."

As I was reading my Bible this afternoon, God spoke to me clearly. I read about Hannah and how she prayed for a child out of great anguish and sorrow, and was told to "Cheer up! May the God of Israel grant the request you have asked of Him." And then, "the Lord remembered her request". He remembered Hannah and gave her a son, her heart's desire. Remember, Hannah promised this boy, Samuel, to God. She gave him to God for His purposes. And the Bible says, "Before they returned home, Eli would bless Elkanah and his wife (Hannah) and say, 'May the Lord give you other children to take the place of this one she gave to the Lord.'" Hannah had FIVE more children. Not only did God answer Hannah's prayer, but He blessed her beyond measure!

I can't tell you how God's Word spoke to me today. In the Psalms, I read "for He remembered His sacred promise." God promised me Emma. He remembers me. He has not forgotten me.

At the VERY least, this 6 week old baby did NOT spend her first two weeks of life alone in the NICU. She did NOT have to go to a shelter. She has known love, compassion, and the warmth of a family. She was/is a source of hope for us. No matter the outcome, it was a miracle that our home has remained open and that we were priveleged to love on her for however long God chooses.

Please pray for God's will in Emma's life. And ours. Pray for those mom's this weekend who have lost children...or have never had the opportunity to have them. Mother's Day used to be a source of joy...now it's just another reminder that someone is missing.

On a brighter note, Samara and Josiah will become "forever Phillips" tomorrow at 11am. Also, I have been told that as soon as Emma moves from our home, they will place us with another foster baby. I am thankful, as always, for the distractions.

WHEW!!!

What a weekend!! The Oklahoma Homeschool Convention was a HUGE blessing. What an amazing group of people I am blessed to work with! I left early (thanks, Emma!) so I don't know what our numbers were, but Friday was PACKED! Standing room only workshops, lines out the kazoo at the vendor booths...AMAZING! Give us a couple of weeks and we will start planning for 2010!

As for me, I have 2 weeks to get everyone ready to go to the Grand Canyon. Our entire family will be going and my dad has it all planned out. (I am SO relieved to just get to go along for the ride and not have to plan anything!) Packing 9 people for a 7 day trip is no small feat! We will be doing laundry halfway through, so really, I will only be packing for 3 days (plus the clothes we wear). Since we will be staying in different hotels each day, I decided instead of each person having their own suitcase to lug in and out each day, we will be packing in Rubbermaids. Day #1, Day #2, and Day #3, plus our "overnight" Rubbermaid which will have all jammies and toiletries. Two Rubbermaids in and out of the hotel each day. That sounds MUCH better to me than NINE suitcases. We are all really looking forward to this trip.

Between now and then, we have Olympic Day, Voice Recital, the boys performing "It's Cool In The Furnace" at church, a birthday party...make that TWO birthday parties (I almost forgot Ashlee will be "14" tomorrow!), oh, REHEARSALS for voice and church, but most importantly, Samara and Josiah's adoption day!!! (Friday, May 8) We will also be having them dedicated on Mother's Day.

It is bittersweet for me. On one hand, we are overjoyed that these two days are finally coming (adoption and dedication) but on the other hand, my only other experience is with Jacob. That didn't turn out so well, so I am having some minor issues with this. Please pray. Jacob died the day before his dedication day at church. It is still extremely difficult to sit through baby dedications, and now we are going to go through one. Don't get me wrong...I WANT them to be dedicated...I WANT this to happen, I just don't want to have the "Jacob" memories.

Samara and Josiah really don't have a clue as to what this adoption stuff means. First of all, because of the trauma of their past, there are just some things they are not ready/able to discuss and understand. Josiah is 3 and Samara has the mental/emotional capacity of a 3 year old. One day we will be able to talk about it, but not yet. Also, when I did mention something about going to court, Samara immediately connected that with Jacob's death. I decided to just drop it at that point. Seriously, she doesn't need to think that once the adoption is final, that she will go to heaven, too. It seems like even the exciting things in this first year without Jacob are hard.

I would like to share something with you all so that you can be aware of the power of God's healing. As I have written before, Josiah was diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) last year. While in total agreement with the diagnosis, since then, we believe that he has been healed from this. I couldn't help but rejoice over the difference a year has made.

Last year, I left Josiah and Jacob at our home with our beloved babysitter for the two days during convention. When I got home on Saturday evening, Josiah climbed up in my lap, looked at me with his scary eyes, put his chubby little 2 year old hands around my neck and tried to strangle me. This was real. Fortunately, he was only 2, so he couldn't really hurt me. He was furious with me. This happened twice, along with several rages over the next week.

This year, he stayed with my mom and dad. When I went to pick him up Friday night, he climbed up into my lap, smiling, no scary eyes, and said, "Mommy, I want to go to sleep on you." He then proceeded to cuddle himself right into me. It was heaven! Our God is the ultimate Healer.

I will leave you with that. Have a wonderful week!

One month old and almost at my due date!!

Emma is one month old (yesterday)! We haven't quite reached her due date, but she is doing well. She is up to 6lbs 7oz and has already outgrown many of her preemie outfits. She is having more "awake" times and is already on her way to being completely rotten, thanks to the whole Phillips clan! There is a LOT of fighting going on in our family right now...and not just the kids...grandma and aunt are to blame, also. Everyone wants their hands on this baby!

And just so you know...there must be a BUNCH of crazy people out there! Well, yeah, there are, but seriously??? I cannot tell you how many people have asked me if I was carrying a baby doll. And they are serious! (Did you see that story on Dateline about those Baby Reborn dolls and the people who treat them like they are real??) Well...I am NOT one of those!! Emma is REAL! LOL!! Still, it doesn't even compete with the lady at Wally World who asked me if I had a little dog in my Beco carrier! WHAT???? I can't make this stuff up!

This weekend is the Oklahoma Home School Convention. We spent most of today setting up and will be at the Cox Convention Center all day Friday and Saturday. I love convention. I am responsible for all of the speakers for the convention. I think this is my sixth year to do this. Anyway, our registration is up 10%, as it has been in the past few years, which means more people are choosing to homeschool!

This year has also been hard. Every year, we get to see and catch up with the vendors/speakers that come annually. Last year, they were all so excited for us as we were preparing for Jacob's adoption finalization. Today, I have had to share with those same people that Jacob is gone. Emma is a numbing sav to the gaping wound in my heart, but, it doesn't change the fact that he is gone.

That being said, how fortunate I am to belong to the family of God? Only God's people can encourage, pray, and support us the way that you have. As I read somewhere recently...probably on another blog...this WAS God's plan "A". And all along the way He was placing me in the paths of people He knew would be a comfort. He wasn't surprised and as I watch all of the details...from Jacob's arrival into our home until this very minute, I am in AWE of the God who orchestrates my life. Pure AWE!

I have to keep this short...need to sleep, but I wanted to check in and let you know how things are going! Talk with you soon!

If they kept quiet....

"If they kept quiet, the stones along the road would burst into cheers!" (Luke 19:40)

This is how I feel. One of what I will call the "if-then" promises that I have received from God regarding Emma was "If I grant you this, then you will tell the people of the wondrous deeds I have done for you." (That was a paraphrase in case you couldn't find it in your Bible!) I want to tell every person I come into contact with what a miracle this baby is. I don't think that "Oh, I prayed for this baby and now I have her" does Him justice. I told God back when I very first started praying about foster care, adoption, etc, that I would proclaim His glory to whomever He would allow me to. I believe this is my prayer at this point. That God would show me when to gush all the details and when to be still and quiet. In all honesty, I am still reeling from all that has happened. I know God is preparing the story to be shared...

Let me go back and catch you up a bit. Last Sunday, as I had posted, we were to have a private room to spend the day with Emma. It was all arranged. Ashlee and I would go first to get settled, then call the family up when we knew the details. (I am anal like that if you don't know me well...it's a control issue and I am not ashamed to admit it!) We got to the hospital and were moved to the room. I started to feed Emma when the nurse came in and we were talking about going home the next day. The nurse, out of the blue (and you know when I write that phrase that I do not believe ANYTHING is truly "out of the blue") said, "you know, we are just babysitting her...I am going to call the worker and see why you can't take her home today." WHAT?? And within an hour, we were on our way home, Easter Sunday, with our Emma Claire. And this is how my children have spent most of the last week:

For those of you who are into "details", when we left the hospital a week ago, Emma weighed 5lbs, 1oz, and was 18 1/2 inches long. Today, a week later, she weighs 5lbs, 14oz and I don't know how long she is, but she has started to grow out of a few of her preemie outfits! We no longer have to count how many ml's of formula she is drinking, we just feed her and she finishes most bottles.

I am at a loss at how to explain to you what a miracle this really is. You see, God had to change the hearts of many people at DHS for us to have this baby. I know I have said it before, but unless you have worked with my county, and the people in charge, you would just have no idea what an incredible thing God has done. And just in case I needed some confirmation, just this past week, a very good foster parent friend of mine had a conversation with just these people and it is as if we were talking to two different organizations! I kid you not! What she experienced with them this past week is what we have all become accustomed to. It's as if God does not want me to forget what a glorious thing He has done.

Oh...and then Emma's worker came to my home. Let me first say that I believe there are only a handful of practicing Christians within DHS. Jacob's worker was one of them and he is now Samara and Josiah's worker. Emma's worker happens to be another one of them. Before we started foster care, I prayed that God would protect us and hand pick our workers. That we would find favor with those we worked with and God has truly answered that prayer! Okay...back to Emma's worker. I LOVE HER!!! As we spoke and got to know each other a little, I mentioned how we happened to get Emma. She looked at me and said, "Wow...God wanted that baby in your home, didn't He?" She was impressed with us and loved my "Jesus" walls! She is truly one of those workers whose whole heart is in helping the children. We are going to work well together. Now...lest we forget...this is not a done deal. There are still many details to be taken care of if Emma is to stay with us. But I am not worried. I am sitting here in awe of what my God is doing. I have a peace that I cannot explain to you other than it is the perfect peace of God.

Today in Sunday School, we studied about when Abraham sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac. If you remember, the servant sent out a fleece of sorts and God answered his prayer. God smoothed the road for that servant. If you think about it, what Abraham was asking him to do was HUGE! But as we go through the story, all the servant had to do was commune with God and praise Him when prayers were answered. Remember the first prayer?? God answered it BEFORE he had finished praying. Beth Moore says this:

God hears the prayers of His children. Note something important. In the scene between Abraham's servant and Rebekah, not only did the answer come, but the action fulfilling the answer also came. I believe that far more often than not God answers our prayers immediately though we may not see the fulfillment with our own eyes until much later. We sometimes ask, "God, why won't You answer me?" Often He has, but the fulfillment is still on His "items yet to be completed according to His sovereign and wise plan" list. If we could only find peace and security in knowing that God is good for His word! Though the action tarries, it shall come.

This is one of my favorite Bible stories because from the beginning to the end, you can see God's hand all over it. (Just like our Jacob, our Emma, and each one of YOUR stories!) There are the what-ifs...what if Rebekah had decided to stay the 10 days that her family requested? What if she had been too tired to water 10 camels that day?? But because God is THE great orchestrator, the story just had to unfold. Does that give you some comfort? It does me. All that is required of me is faith...faith to watch God's plan for me unfold. Do I do it every day with a smile?? Not even! But I believe the more faith we have, the more promises we see, the more faith we receive. Does that make sense?? It's like it builds. I have seen God answer a specific prayer in my life. Why would I ever doubt Him again? I can't.

I am reminded of a song we sang in choir many years ago...

"If we keep our voices silent, all creation will sing and shout!

If we keep our voices silent, then will the mighty rocks cry out!!"