Tuesday, November 3, 2009

It's like a giant rat maze

I have lots to say, but then again, I have nothing to say. The past 2 1/2 months since the anniversary of Jacob's death have been extremely difficult. God is still good, and because I can say that and mean it, I believe I am on the way out of the valley...for now. So, I will post something meaningful and easy to read...later.

I am also trying to get past this headache which just might be an aneurism, so this will be short. I'm kidding about the aneurism. Maybe. It's on both sides of my head and sometimes goes in circles. My brilliant 14 year old daughter explained to me, because her spiritual gift is sarcasm, that if I did indeed have a "moving aneurism" that the doctors were really going to want to have a looksy!

I have been wanting to update, but after reading my last two posts and having nothing better to say, I decided "if I can't say anything nice, then I won't say anything at all."

But, I was thinking in the tub...which is where all my good stuff comes from...and God reminded me of a time when He answered a prayer of mine in a mighty way. I believe I am supposed to share this with you all.

In March of 2008, Samara had her tonsils and adenoids removed, and tubes placed in her ears. We had her surgery at OU Children's Hospital. If any of you locals have been there, you know too well what a rat maze that place is.

Patrick used to work at Children's, when Ashlee was about 2 (she was young enough to still call the elevator an "alligator" and she was an only child!). We would go up and meet Daddy for lunch occasionally and I remember him giving me directions to his office...which I found...but getting out of that place, well, that's a different story. Let's just say that after that, Patrick walked me to my car!!

Anyway, Samara and I had to be at the hospital at the butt-crack of dawn for her surgery. For those of you who know me in real life, well, there wasn't enough Pepsi in that hospital to help me!! I parked and got Samara and myself where we needed to be. Surgery went fine. I prepared myself to carry this drugged, heavy duty 4 year old down the rat maze of halls and alligators to the parking garage where we had parked earlier...in the dark...during construction.

Thirty minutes later,after what should have been a "follow this hall to that sign, turn left, take the alligator down one floor, turn right and out you go", I found myself literally crying out to God to help me find my car. I had no idea where I was. For awhile, I was convinced that we were no longer at OU, but now we were at Mercy! So I prayed. And I found another elevator that I KNEW I had not seen before, nor could it take me to my car...because remember...I hadn't seen it before!! Plus, I am not even in Oklahoma anymore!! But, I got on and I said, "God, when I get off this elevator, I need my truck to be right in front of me. I am lost and I don't know what else to do."

The elevator door opened. I picked Samara and all of her stuff up, looked out the door, and there was my beautiful, red truck, right in front of me, just where I am pretty sure I had NOT left it. I cried a little. I thanked God out loud and scared Samara a little.

Was this an emergency? No. Was I in danger? No. Did Samara care? No...she was on drugs. I was just tired. That's all. I could have walked around the hospital again, asked for more help, or many other things to find my truck. But I asked God for His help, and He gave it to me. Why? Because He loves me. He loves me in the big things and He loves me in the little things.

Jacob was/is a BIG thing. Finding my car because I was tired was very small. But God did not care for me or meet my needs any differently. He LOVES me. Bottom line. That's it.


As I was typing this post, the following song came to mind...it's by Mark Schultz:

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel Your presence in this place
Lord, I've never been so weary
How I need to know You're near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Til I'm on my knees
Til my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let Your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul

He is!

4 comments:

Sara said...

Isn't it strange how time just keeps plunging ahead whether we want it to or not.... When you said 2 1/2 months ago I thought, could that much time have passed. I was getting a little worried about you... hadn't seen you post in a while... but I do understand. I just wanted you to know that you were being thought of and prayed for. I am praying for the Lord to flood you with peace... I can imagine that you must have many questions with all of the ups and downs you have expeierienced lately... I just feel for you. You are an amazingly strong woman... your kids are blessed to have you as their mom. Thinking of you.
Sara

KT said...

I will always laugh now when I go into 'alligators'. :)

It may not always be easy, but stay happy...

Nan said...

I have been praying for you....

( i changed my blog name to livlafluv09.blogspot.com )

KT said...

What a beautiful new holiday background!