I haven't been able to get the lyrics of this song out of my head for the past few weeks. I try, but I just can't. Yesterday hit us with what I felt at the time was bad news. This sweet, tiny, foster baby is going to be moved to live with her brothers...forever. She will be adopted by the foster mom who has had her brothers since they came into care. How can that be bad news? I have met the other foster mom...she is very capable and loves the brothers. How can this be bad news? Because I am selfish and human.
I want this to be our Emma Claire and do you want to know the REAL reason why?? Because I am tired of the journey. Again, selfish and human. I want some peace and security, closure if you will. I want the proceeds of the promise I was given. No more maybes. No more ifs. No more waiting.
"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."
How can this be bad news? How can I be sad? God did NOT break His promise of Emma Claire to us. As a matter of fact, He is working out His promise in my life. My dream since I was in high school was to foster and heal drug babies. BABIES! God has performed a miracle and I had forgotten about it. Remember??? God opened a bed in our home to foster and heal drug babies. God did this. God has given me the desire of my heart.
When Jacob died, I was not ready to stop helping babies. I felt hopeless at times because DHS had refused to open a bed in our home. Well, we all know how that turned out! God is STILL giving me the desire of my heart, but I became too selfish and too human to recognize it. So, because I am a planner, here is the plan. We are going to take whatever baby God sends to us, for however long, and love them as our own. We will accept whatever plan God has for these babies, and for us. We will help heal them and in the process they will help heal us. That is the plan.
Now...do I believe that this baby could be our Emma? Sure...if that is what God wants. If not, she is still the cutest chocolate baby girl I have ever seen! If this is NOT our baby Emma, then what it really means is that God is not finished with our family and foster care. (Remember, Emma means "complete" and Claire means "with clarity"...when we get our Emma Claire, our family will be complete with clarity.)
I would also like to share a little insight on how I function. I am really pretty easy to please. When Patrick and I had been married for 6 months, we started looking for our first home. I don't even remember how many houses we looked at, but each one was the "perfect" starter home for us. I was SO anxious to have our own home, I was ready to move in each house we looked at, right then. We would call my dad to come and look at it and he would explain to us why this wasn't "the" house and encourage us to keep looking. UGH! After waiting not so patiently, we found our house. Because we waited, we ended up with a house we never would have dreamed of! It was much larger than we were looking for and in a much nicer neighborhood. The specifics of the home were such that not just anyone could buy this house. I don't remember the details, but you could not have made more than a certain amount of money, had to be a first time buyer, but you had to have enough money to fix the thing up! We qualified all the way around! If I had my way, we would have bought a tiny little house that had many problems, in a not so nice neighborhood. Because we chose to take the advice of others, (God and our parents) we ended up with a house we never could have dreamed of!
This is how I feel about the babies that come through our home. I could keep each one of them forever and be completely happy. BUT...I know that God has already chosen the one we get to keep. And THAT is the baby I want...not the one I choose (because I would be keeping the one who is breathing sweetly right next to me)! And when she gets here, we will have a baby girl we never could have dreamed of! In the meantime...
"Greater things are still to be done here..."
Nine months ago today, we finalized the adoption of Jacob Levi Phillips. Today, we finalized the adoption of Samara Grace and Josiah Nathan Phillips. It was a terribly hard day and I am so glad it is over. I feel relief that they are finally ours and I don't have to ask permission for ANYTHING again!! But...and sorry if I sound like a broken record...Jacob was missing today. He should have been there. We made it through. And I do feel much better this evening. I appreciate all of you who have been praying for us and for our day, today. Now I will share some pictures of the event...enjoy!
Josiah...he doesn't seem thrilled with the whole thing. I guess nobody asked him if he wanted to be adopted! Good thing 3 year olds don't run the world!
Samara was confused all day long. She just didn't understand why she needed to be "adoctored".
Josiah looked at the judge, then turned around and said, "I'm ready to get out of here." We had only been there about five minutes! The judge made the comment "Wow, whatever goes through his head comes right out of his mouth." Ummm...YEP!
Here, the judge is showing Josiah a pen set or something, to which Josiah said, "Okay, I am going to cover my ears." Not sure what he thought the pens were going to do.
And here we are with the judge after finalization...Phillips Forever!