Friday, May 8, 2009

Greater things are still to be done here....

"You're God of this city, you're the King of these people, you're the Lord of this nation, you are...You're the Light in this darkness, you're the Hope to the hopeless, you're the Peace to the restless, you are...For there is none like our God, there is none like You, God! Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city! Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."

I haven't been able to get the lyrics of this song out of my head for the past few weeks. I try, but I just can't. Yesterday hit us with what I felt at the time was bad news. This sweet, tiny, foster baby is going to be moved to live with her brothers...forever. She will be adopted by the foster mom who has had her brothers since they came into care. How can that be bad news? I have met the other foster mom...she is very capable and loves the brothers. How can this be bad news? Because I am selfish and human.

I want this to be our Emma Claire and do you want to know the REAL reason why?? Because I am tired of the journey. Again, selfish and human. I want some peace and security, closure if you will. I want the proceeds of the promise I was given. No more maybes. No more ifs. No more waiting.

"Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done in this city!Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here."

How can this be bad news? How can I be sad? God did NOT break His promise of Emma Claire to us. As a matter of fact, He is working out His promise in my life. My dream since I was in high school was to foster and heal drug babies. BABIES! God has performed a miracle and I had forgotten about it. Remember??? God opened a bed in our home to foster and heal drug babies. God did this. God has given me the desire of my heart.

When Jacob died, I was not ready to stop helping babies. I felt hopeless at times because DHS had refused to open a bed in our home. Well, we all know how that turned out! God is STILL giving me the desire of my heart, but I became too selfish and too human to recognize it. So, because I am a planner, here is the plan. We are going to take whatever baby God sends to us, for however long, and love them as our own. We will accept whatever plan God has for these babies, and for us. We will help heal them and in the process they will help heal us. That is the plan.

Now...do I believe that this baby could be our Emma? Sure...if that is what God wants. If not, she is still the cutest chocolate baby girl I have ever seen! If this is NOT our baby Emma, then what it really means is that God is not finished with our family and foster care. (Remember, Emma means "complete" and Claire means "with clarity"...when we get our Emma Claire, our family will be complete with clarity.)

I would also like to share a little insight on how I function. I am really pretty easy to please. When Patrick and I had been married for 6 months, we started looking for our first home. I don't even remember how many houses we looked at, but each one was the "perfect" starter home for us. I was SO anxious to have our own home, I was ready to move in each house we looked at, right then. We would call my dad to come and look at it and he would explain to us why this wasn't "the" house and encourage us to keep looking. UGH! After waiting not so patiently, we found our house. Because we waited, we ended up with a house we never would have dreamed of! It was much larger than we were looking for and in a much nicer neighborhood. The specifics of the home were such that not just anyone could buy this house. I don't remember the details, but you could not have made more than a certain amount of money, had to be a first time buyer, but you had to have enough money to fix the thing up! We qualified all the way around! If I had my way, we would have bought a tiny little house that had many problems, in a not so nice neighborhood. Because we chose to take the advice of others, (God and our parents) we ended up with a house we never could have dreamed of!

This is how I feel about the babies that come through our home. I could keep each one of them forever and be completely happy. BUT...I know that God has already chosen the one we get to keep. And THAT is the baby I want...not the one I choose (because I would be keeping the one who is breathing sweetly right next to me)! And when she gets here, we will have a baby girl we never could have dreamed of! In the meantime...

"Greater things are still to be done here..."

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Nine months ago today, we finalized the adoption of Jacob Levi Phillips. Today, we finalized the adoption of Samara Grace and Josiah Nathan Phillips. It was a terribly hard day and I am so glad it is over. I feel relief that they are finally ours and I don't have to ask permission for ANYTHING again!! But...and sorry if I sound like a broken record...Jacob was missing today. He should have been there. We made it through. And I do feel much better this evening. I appreciate all of you who have been praying for us and for our day, today. Now I will share some pictures of the event...enjoy!


Josiah...he doesn't seem thrilled with the whole thing. I guess nobody asked him if he wanted to be adopted! Good thing 3 year olds don't run the world!


Samara was confused all day long. She just didn't understand why she needed to be "adoctored".


Josiah looked at the judge, then turned around and said, "I'm ready to get out of here." We had only been there about five minutes! The judge made the comment "Wow, whatever goes through his head comes right out of his mouth." Ummm...YEP!

Here, the judge is showing Josiah a pen set or something, to which Josiah said, "Okay, I am going to cover my ears." Not sure what he thought the pens were going to do.

And here we are with the judge after finalization...Phillips Forever!

6 comments:

Leagh said...

Congratulations on the *new* Phillips! And as great as your family has been to these babies, Emma Claire may have to wait a while. God needs you to care for these babies, who have no one. Imagine, how many, just one more babies, there are going to be without your family to get them through the first few days, or months or however long God needs you to love them. In college I read a study about babies dying if they were just fed and changed... You change their lives, you give them an entire family unit to love them!

Kristy said...

Wonderful Said.. I needed your post this morning, I had inquired about a sibling set that I had the baby boy, Aarons relative for one night after realizing I couldn't he was very sick and I was at the ER with him until 1, came home and was up the rest of the night flip flopping feedings and trying to get the two of them back to sleep. (Aaron and relative) long story but I had to call DHS and say" I can't" Two words I never wanted to say. Anyways fast forward to a couple weeks ago Randy brought home the journal records Asking for Termination on Mom/Dad in that case. Little guy I had and sister 8 months apart in age. So I bugged our worker wanted peace that they were in a good home that wanted to adopt. Found out yesterday little guy was and very loved and sister is at Bethany hospital and needs 24 hour care, sad. Anyways I told our worker If she needed emergency placement of a baby call me. Finally, sorry so long last night as I laid in bed Satan attacked me scaring me saying " You can't do this why did you tell her that", you have way to much to do your schedule is too busy, Aaron is a handfull. And so on I almost emailed worker back at 1 in the morning say hold off once again. I woke up this morning feeling completely different and after reading your post remembering for me also, it is my gift from God to help take care of these babies who need us for the time they need us God places them in our lives for a divine reason that sometimes we will not know why, until we meet our maker but there is a purpose and we were called to do this.

Molly said...

Ahhh, I am just now catching up and my heart is broken and thrilled at the same time. I don't even know what to say, but that I am praying and am so thankful for your relationship with God and your trust in His great plan.

With much love and a heavy heart,
Molly

Dana~Are We There Yet? said...

Much love to you, sweet friend, and to all of the fabulous Phillipses! Might I say that you all look smashing?

I am so encouraged by your perspective on all of this, and grateful that you share it with all of us. Be blessed, dear sister!

Nan said...

Tracy I was on Megan's facebook when you listed "the phone call" from DHS and my heart just sank. Today I checked out your blog and I am so happy to see your perpective. You are so right. Sometimes we get so hung up on what we want, that we miss out on what God wants for us! (whch is truly the very best) Thank you for much for your willingness to be so transparent and share your joys and sorrows.

You are dearly loved~

Nan

valb said...

I am getting ready to participate in a conference call regarding our daughter and her 3 year old son. She is not living a life for the Lord, nor making good decisions. Her son is in non-state guardianship. The conference call is to give our son, who has legal custody, guidance.
Your post encouraged me. Thank you