Saturday, June 20, 2009

Our Daddy...

I have felt led to write a post about our Daddy, Patrick. It has been on my heart for a couple of months now, but the timing never seemed right. Since Father's Day is tomorrow, I suppose this is the right time!

You might wonder why I am not posting about my OWN dad, (I am sure HE is wondering since he is one of my blog stalkers), but I am saving his post for closer to the 4th of July...you won't want to miss that one. It will give you a glimpse into our family life that will probably explain a lot about why I am the way I am! LOL!

Back to Patrick. For those of you who are women, when you were waiting for your Prince Charming, did you ever have thoughts about your "rescue"? What it would be like if you got into trouble and your Prince had to come to the rescue? Would he fulfill your dreams? Would he be able to fight off the bad guys? How would he react?? How would you react? Well, I have thought all of those things. Fortunately, for most of us, our Prince's never have to rescue us to the extent that Patrick had to rescue me. Let me explain.

Ten months ago (on Tuesday, the 23rd), our family woke up to what should have been a great day of celebration. Instead, we faced a tragedy that we will never understand this side of Heaven. As we heard Justin scream Jacob's name, Patrick beat me to his room. Patrick is the one who helped Justin move the dresser to free Jacob's dangling body. When I arrived in the room, I scooped up Jacob's lifeless body and rushed him to the living room, screaming at Patrick and the kids to run for help (not sure what I thought waking all of the neighbors would do) and call 911. That is the point where I had to be rescued. I was done and could do no more for Jacob. My husband of almost 16 years took the precious, lifeless body of our Jacob from my arms and proceeded to perform CPR for at least 12 minutes. TWELVE MINUTES, by himself, until one of our neighbors arrived.

I have played those minutes over and over in my mind in the past 10 months. No father should ever have to stand over his dead baby, desperately trying with every ounce of his being to bring that baby back. I have no idea what must of been going through his mind during those 12 minutes. I may never know. I do know, however, that Patrick wasn't trying to save Jacob selfishly for himself. (That's what I would have done.) He was trying to save Jacob for all of us. Probably for me, especially. How could you not be in love with a man who did this for you??? My Prince Charming passed the unfathomable test. I have never been able to tell him how much I love him for what he did for Jacob. I suppose I would have to go back to how he allowed God to open our home to Jacob in the first place. And then, how he supported me in all the dealings with DHS as we went through all of the court/foster/adoption challenges. And then, after Jacob died, how he has been very sensitive to my needs, even when I cannot verbalize them. All I have to do is look at him and he knows. How thankful I have been the times he left work early to come home because I needed him. How thankful I am when he takes the kids to church so I can have a couple of hours home by myself to "be still and know that He is God". How thankful I am that he never complained about my inability to fix a meal for the first 6 months after Jacob died. And there are plenty more examples of how Patrick takes care of his family, but I am trying to finish this before we go to lunch! I am so unworthy.



And as I was writing this post about Patrick's love for me and his children, I was reminded of the Father's love for us. I have said many times before when people have said to me, "I could never do foster care...how do you do it? How can you give those babies up?" Well, how can I not? God gave his ONLY son on the cross for ME. The LEAST I can do is love His little ones when asked.

The song that keeps going through my head this morning is this:

How deep the Father's love for us,

How vast beyond all measure

That He should give His only Son

To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,

The Father turns His face away

As wounds which mar the chosen One,

Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,

My sin upon His shoulders

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

His dying breath has brought me life

I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?

I cannot give an answer

But this I know with all my heart

His wounds have paid my ransom.

May you all have a blessed Father's Day...oh...and Patrick...I love you!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

That was beautiful! I can't even imagine how hard that was on both of you. You are truly blessed you are to have each other.

Sherry Randolph

Leagh said...

Tracy, all I can say is WOW! And you are Truly blessed! Happy Father's Day to Patrick.

Kristy said...

As I read your post I feel closer and closer to you, and we have not even ever met. You have a very special spirit and you know how to express Gods love for us in every post, and wow our husbands are alike in many ways after reading this post. Happy Fathers day to Patrick! ps the snakes I luckily never have to deal with them unlike the family dog(another kiddo in this house) so it's not really a great mom, LOL.

Dana~Are We There Yet? said...

One of the things I love most about knowing you and Patrick is how much you love each other. Happy Father's Day to you all!

Molly said...

Precious post Traci. It left me in tears just thinking again about that tragic day and what it left for your family. I am so proud of you that you can see something beautiful out of your husband from the awful events. That is what God wants, that we continue to seek Him and His blessings in every part of our life. Thanks for sharing and happy Father's Day Patrick.

I love what you said about foster care, it could not be more true.

Anonymous said...

10 months, eh?...wow...you (and family) have come a long way! PTL!
this post (esp) made me emotional...you are truly blessed w/your Prince Charming and your children are blessed to have Patrick as their daddy.

blessings and prayers to you on this next chapter of your life...

Nan said...

You are indeed blessed....:)