Tomorrow marks 8 weeks since Jacob's death. Some of the events play so fresh in my mind and somethings seem like they happened to someone else a very long time ago.
I enjoy Fridays...not for the reasons some might think, but for some reason, each Friday lets me know we made it through one more week without Jacob. The more weeks we go, the better it gets. The more weeks we go, the better mommy I am able to be. (Well, except for this week...all I have done is cough and hack and I don't even have the voice to yell at my kids!)
I am thankful to God for the timing of Jacob's death. Let me explain. Jacob died in August. An excrutiatingly hot month for those of us in Oklahoma. I do not enjoy August. Although our anniversary, Patrick's birthday, and now Jacob's adoption day are all in August (first 12 days), the month has always left me longing for Fall. I LOVE Fall! God took my baby, but He left me Fall! And Winter! And Spring! And even the part of Summer that I enjoy...you know...before it gets too hot! I believe God was very gracious in His timing.
Yesterday morning, I was talking to God and in passing asked for some encouragement in my mailbox. The outpouring of cards and letters has pretty much stopped, as you would expect, but occasionally there will be the stray card out there that brings me joy for the day. I wasn't necessarily feeling down, just wanted something besides a bill in my mail! And God answered. I received a poem and a note from a very dear friend's mother who has been praying for us. The poem could not have come at a better time. I will post it for you now.
"TO ALL PARENTS"
"I'll lend you a little child, a child of mine," He said, "For you to love the while he lives and mourn for when he's dead. It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three. But will you, til I call him back, take care of him for me? He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and should his stay be brief, You'll have his lovely memories as solace for your grief. I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return, but there are lessons taught down there I want my child to learn. I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes, I have selected you. Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?"
"I fancied that I heard them say, 'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!" "For all the joy the child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run. We'll shelter him with tenderness, we'll love him while we may, and for the happiness we've known forever grateful stay; But should the angels call for him much sooner than we've planned, we'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand."
(Edgar A. Guest, from the scrapbook of Lee D. Rowe, 1944)
And so our perspectives change. God chose US to be the parents of the children He has given us. What a blessing and responsibility.
Today's verse is a familiar one (well, actually it's from yesterday) but it means as much today as it did the first time you/we heard it.
"The truth is that you will be in Babylon for seventy years. BUT, then I will come and do for you all the good things I have promised, and I will bring you home again. For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days, when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me. I will be found by you, says the Lord. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and bring you home again to your own land." Jeremiah 29:10-14
By the way...as I near the end of Jeremiah, things are looking up! Today, God told me this:
"For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing. At this, I woke up and looked around. My sleep had been very sweet." Jeremiah 31:25-26
Thank you, Jesus!
1 week ago