Every day I am amazed by the goodness and sufficiency of God. I have lived south of 59th street, my entire life. (Except for those first 6 months of marriage when I was forced to live up north, wishing I could come back south!) Being a lifelong southsider, with a family ALL from the southside, we know or have known a LOT of people. My neighbor was amazed when we went to the Cleveland County Fair at the number of people I "ran into". I had never really noticed, but I guess she is right.
So, the other night, my parents were walking around the mall and ran into some people we went to church with 25 years ago. The first thing they said was, "We heard about your grandbaby. We are so sorry. Our 10 year old prays for your 10 year old (Justin) every day." WOW!! The number of people praying for us must be staggering. I get cards and emails, weekly, reminding me that we are being held in prayer.
You guys email and post that I am such a "strong person" or that I am a "blessing", but the truth is, I am only who I am through the power of your prayers. (That being said, keep on posting! heehee) I know that we would not be where we are without you all. I have no doubt in my mind that God's hand was on ALL of this. As bad as the whole "DHS" part of this has been, it could have been worse...MUCH worse.
I may have said this before, but we all know that Jacob did not die the way we first thought...from a dresser accident. We know that his heart stopped. (Remember, there was no bruising...he did not strangle...if what we thought had happened did, we could have saved him.) So, I could not figure out what part the dresser played in all of this. A few weeks after, I realized that if Jacob had died peacefully in his bed, how would that have looked to DHS?? How do you explain a dead baby in a bed?? The result would have been the same, but the process would have been MUCH worse. They would have taken S&J with a great chance of taking my bios, too. DHS acts before they think...sometimes they never get to the "think" part. So, I truly believe that God orchestrated the "picture" in Jacob's room that day for our protection. We were also protected from the media, lengthy interrogations, and probably a myriad of things I don't even know about. Do you see how the hand of God is even in a tragedy?? I don't think that I have questioned God about the "whys" of Jacob's death. For me it was more of a "why not"? I am not the only one who has lost a child. By God's grace, I have only lost one child. One question I do have is why only 2 years? It isn't something I dwell on, I just wonder about it.
I talked with DHS yesterday and was told that the last time they had to wait on the Medical Examiner to close an allegation, it took EIGHT MONTHS! REALLY??? So, we are praying for a miracle. That is just insane. First of all, Jacob wasn't the property of DHS. The POLICE ruled it an accident...why does DHS think they have the authority to make their own rulings?? We are sickly here this week, but next week I will be making a trip to the ME's office requesting my copy of the report. I know God is in control of this, but if you want to see me sin/fall/whatever...mention DHS to my face!
And yet, in all of this, God told me "God, who calls you, is faithful; HE will do this." Okay...so I will wait, yet again, on the Lord.
As I was reading yesterday in my Bible, God threw a verse out at me. Sometimes, I like to see how a verse reads in a different translation. I use www.biblegateway.com for this. My verse is from 2 Thessalonians 1:12 and it says, "Because we know that this extraordinary day is just ahead, we pray for you all the time - pray that our God will make you fit for what He's called you to be, pray that He'll find your good ideas and acts of faith with His own energy so that it all amounts to something. If your life honors the name of Jesus, He will honor you. Grace is behind and through all of this, our God giving himself freely, the Master, Jesus Christ, giving himself freely." (The Message)
Everytime I start to get scared or frustrated at DHS (sometimes on a daily basis), God answers me. He is still working on His promise to us for a baby. I am reminded of that almost daily, also. For some reason, I believe God is moving us away from DHS (almost sure it is for our own protection) but I do not feel Him moving us away from helping the "orphans, the oppressed, and destitute". I get those verses about every other day. I just think He will use us outside of DHS. That is kind of exciting.
The natives are hungry...I suppose I should feed them!
2 months ago