Amazing how a phone call can change your day, your plans, your life. But that's really all it takes.
After being told the hospital just needed our paperwork faxed, we were still told Emma would not be released to us until they went before the asstistant district attorney (ADA). So, I came home last night, intending on staying here with my family for the evening, and then going back today. I no more than got out of the parking garage that I couldn't leave Emma. I did...so I could take my bath and grab some new clothes, but I went back to the hospital to be with Emma. I was gone maybe 2 hours! I just couldn't do it as much as I wanted to be home. People were praying and we had a really good night, with Emma sleeping about 3 hours at a time. The best part was because she has been released medically, nobody came into our room to mess with her at all hours of the night.
Then we awoke today, hoping the ADA would look at our paperwork and say we could take Emma home, then get the relinquishment paperwork to them when we got it. This is a totally normal thing to do as birth moms aren't even out of the hospital this quick sometimes, and sometimes they go home on heavy medication and are not up to showing up in court right away. It was a slam dunk...what they always do.
Well...if you have been reading my blog for long, there ARE no slam dunks! ADA said that as soon as they received a copy of the relinquishment papers for "E", then they would release the baby. So we got a court hearing this afternoon. Problem was...no "E". She got her check and no telling how much of it she spent on drugs. I spent an hour praying and driving around looking for her before going up to court hoping she would show. (Her brother was looking for her, too.) About 10 minutes before court, she called me yelling...she was high and is a mean druggie. Needless to say, she was in no condition to go into court. So, no Emma today.
At this point (my attorney is STILL working on this, bless her heart, as well as the DHS workers involved...minus the ADA...nobody understands why this is all happening and really want Emma placed with us) we have two options to get Emma into our home.
1 - "E" calls me and shows up sober to relinquish her rights. Emma would automatically come to us.
2 - DHS would open our home as a kinship foster placement. Then if/when "E" shows up to relinquish, DHS would dismiss the case and we would go on with our adoption.
#1 would be the best outcome...easiest/quickest for all involved, but #2 seems the most likely outcome as "E" won't likely call for a few days, if ever again. Worst case, "E" never shows again, Emma becomes a foster/adopt placement and we adopt her through DHS. While in some ways, I am tempted to go this route. I know...I hate DHS...but it's for Emma. Also, I am worried about "E's" behavior in court. No telling what she might say, plus if she decided to change her mind, the baby would go into DHS custody, anyway. If Emma is ALREADY in DHS custody and "E" comes around saying she changed her mind, it won't matter. "E" would be considered an automatic termination case due to her past DHS history (which I just found out about.) Same result, would just take longer.
Our next issue. We need DHS (our county) to approve us to open our home back up. I have spent this afternoon talking to many higher up people regarding this and am hopeful. Our prayer is that those in control will open our home and be done with it. We can bring Emma home tomorrow if that happens. Please be in prayer about this (I know you all have prayed enough for me already to last my whole lifetime.)
My "old" workers in our county are on top of this. One person (the hardest one to reason with) was out today, but will be back tomorrow. As long as she okays it, we can open our home again. I just wanted to mention that my licensing worker has been a God send...she has been so helpful and encouraging and she didn't even have to take my call. I love her. (I did the whole time she was our worker!) The OK county workers want us to have this baby. They are making calls like you wouldn't believe and trying to get around the ADA's ruling (as is my attorney tomorrow.) So...I left Emma tonight at the hospital. I am almost sick because of the stress and not being home since last Wednesday. I need to be home. I felt a peace leaving her tonight (after talking with the hospital's social worker for an hour in our room...she thinks we are the perfect placement and can't understand all the crap.)
I think I am also letting go a little bit. A couple of days ago, I wasn't ready to let her go. I wasn't okay with this being God's plan. Today, I am. Maybe because I'm exhausted and have no feelings left in me, I don't know, but I do know (mostly because of all you facebook friends who have encouraged me daily) that God has a plan...STILL! So, whatever happens, I am okay. I think. Don't get me wrong...I want more than ANYTHING to bring that tiny baby home. How will I tell my kids that we lost ANOTHER baby? I can handle me...I can't handle my kids grieving anymore.
So...I come home. I spend some time with my husband who I missed terribly, ate some real food (lost 5 pounds at the hosptial) and took my bath. As I was ready my "Power of a Praying Parent", today's prayer is on protection. Fitting, huh? And I read the first verse...then the second...then...well, here...you read them:
"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress; my God, in Him I will trust." Psalm 91:1-2
"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you." Isaiah 43:2
"No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgement you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me, says the Lord." Isaiah 54:17
"Because you have made the Lord, who is my refuge, even the Most High, your dwelling place, no evil shall befall you, nor shall any plague come near your dwelling." Psalm 91-9-10
"I will both lie down in peace, and sleep; for You alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8
And earlier, I chose to read Psalm 31, because it's the day Emma was born and I didn't have my regular "through the year" Bible...read it...it was perfect for me today.
So, I don't know what tomorrow will bring. I have many people to call, but I am so weary. My prayer is that those in charge will do all the work and just call me to tell me it's time to pick up my baby.
In the meantime, I am still aware of who is ultimately in control and tonight I will "both lie down in peace and sleep".
2 months ago